Question: Can you forgive someone who has not apologized or asked for forgiveness?
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Summary
In a recent discussion, the question arose: “Can you forgive someone who hasn’t apologized or asked for forgiveness?” Pastor Mike Kirkpatrick, alongside Wim Kerkhoff and Pastor Jim Butler, explored this from a Christian perspective, using scripture to highlight forgiveness as a choice that often must be made even when an apology is absent. They shared examples from the Bible and emphasized that, while forgiveness is central to faith, it doesn’t negate justice, especially in cases of severe wrongdoing. Pastor Jim noted that while Christians should forgive personally, society requires justice to prevent bitterness and vigilantism. Ultimately, the conversation emphasized that forgiveness can be both a personal release from anger and a powerful witness to others.
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Transcript
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
forgive, sins, forgiveness, people, god, crime, bitterness, criminal, wronged, punished, vigilantism, righteousness, wife, withered, implication, interpersonal dynamics, provokes, apologize, christians, civil
SPEAKERS
Pastor Mike Kirkpatrick, Wim Kerkhoff, Pastor Jim Butler
Wim Kerkhoff 00:07
Okay. Next question, can you forgive someone who has not apologized or asked for forgiveness?
Pastor Mike Kirkpatrick 00:15
Yes, yes. Now we would all like to think that if someone wronged us, that they would come to us and apologize, because that’s how it should function and how it should happen, just like if we’ve wronged someone, we should go to them and apologize, but but that doesn’t always happen, and I think there is a New Testament text that does speak to this. I also have an Old Testament example as well. But in Mark chapter 11, as Jesus is teaching on the lesson of the fig tree. After it is withered, he’s just cleansed the temple. He does say in verse 25 and when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him. And so the implication, implication there is, you’re in the middle of worship, you think of somebody who’s got something against you, and who sinned against you, and you just you need to forgive them in that moment. I don’t know that means you have to be the bestest buddy with them again, but, but certainly we ought to forgive, because we have been forgiven much. And I’m sure there’s a myriad of sins I’ve not asked for forgiveness for, and God has forgiven me of those. And I think Judges. I think it’s Judges 13 highlights this. You know, as as Israel continues in their cycle of sod, their sin, their oppression, and then God delivers them, we see that typically, they cry out to God for deliverance. But in just as Samson’s about to come on the scene, we see they don’t do that, and God raised up a deliverer anyway to save them. And so like I said, we should, if we’ve sinned against someone, go ask for forgiveness. We should be able to own our sins and be able to say we’re sorry, just like we would want other people to do that as well. But if someone doesn’t, there is some sort of, there is some biblical warrant for forgiving them if they don’t do that.
Wim Kerkhoff 02:06
The alternative is holding on to bitterness and hatred and anger, and that’s that’s no good either. It’s unhealthy and just wrong.
Pastor Mike Kirkpatrick 02:15
It’s hard, it’s hard to forgive. I understand that hard. It’s easy to hold on to those.
Wim Kerkhoff 02:20
you feel better well afterwards?
Pastor Jim Butler 02:22
Yeah, I think that’s a good illustration for the interpersonal dynamics that Christians find themselves in. I would make a distinction in terms of crime. If somebody rapes my wife and doesn’t ask for forgiveness, I need to guard against bitterness. I need to guard against a vigilantism. But there’s a breach, a serious breach, and he demands, or, I believe, you know, it is demanded that he’s punished for that. So I, you know, I would want to make sure that we, we locate where we’re at in terms of, if I cut you off on the way ito church, and I don’t, you know, repent. I hope you forgive me, but, but if you are a criminal in society and you violate, you know, my person or people that I love, I don’t feel that it’s right to “Well, I just forgive everybody”. Well, no, they I think there’s consequences, or there should be consequences for, you know, criminal activity. So the Christian insistence on forgiveness is not at odds with a demand for civic righteousness. We don’t suspend, you know, large portions of God’s word, because we just need to forgive. I think that has been used against Christians. Well, you just need to forgive. What do you what do you mean? Forgive? They brutalized my entire family. I do need to guard, as I said, against bitterness and vigilantism. And this is why I think, you know, we should have a robust civil magistrate. I shouldn’t want to go out and punish criminals. The civil government should do that. And so when you look at a society like ours, where crime is rampant, where prosecutions and punishments are very you know, lightweight people get vexed. You know, the absence of justice and the absence of righteousness provokes people. And so within our community, we forgive, even if we don’t repent. Outside of our community in terms of the civil arena. Yeah, somebody commits a crime, they should be punished for that crime. And I think it’s perfectly consistent, if the criminal is on death row and I go visit him and he says, Please forgive me, I’ll forgive you. You still got to pay the price. That’s just, you know, part of living in God’s world.
Wim Kerkhoff 04:47
yeah, and I’m thinking of some of these stories. Make Voice of the Martyrs, other places where wives have had their husbands killed brutally by Muslims or whatever, and but they forgive. And it said that was a witness and brought more people to Christ by completely, instantly, completely forgiving them. Yeah.
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